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The Lost Booking Documents
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I've got a bunch of old files from when I was booking that have migrated from hard drive to hard drive, and I can't think of any other time when anybody might want to look at them.

- Kurt Sanders

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So here's a write-up
for the show that was supposed to follow December to Dismember 2, but
never actually happened (making the fact that I titled it "The Show
that will Never Happen" quite funny 8 years later).  Some of it got
used for the Frat Show, but most of it simply vanished into the ether.

The card for FUW:
The Show that will Never Happen

Interview:  The show opens with Violent JT coming out and giving his
speech.  He introduces Little Bitch Johnson, and they reform their
union.  JT runs down Owen Williams, leading to Owen rushing the ring
and being stopped by security.  JT then claims that he is still the
Heavyweight Champion, which brings out Dre.  Dre cuts his own promo,
and we go straight into...

FUW Heavyweight title match:  Violent JT v. Dre:  Dre scores the
victory.
Winner, and new FUW Heavyweight Champion: Dre

Honkey Tonk Rob & Triple-X v. The Ministry:  The W.B. calls out
Honky Tonk, bitching about something.  Carlson makes the challenge for
a tag match, if
Rob can find a tag partner.  This brings out Disco Stu, who plays up
the Mann Family
issue, and forces XXX to team with Rob.  The two have problems working
as a team,
but manage to overcome the Drunken Duo.  Rob and XXX brawl after the
match.
Winners:  Honkey Tonk Rob & Triple-X

Interview:  Dre comes out, and says that the last match sucked.  He
says that he knows
what  he wants to see, and it's an Evening Gown match.  He introduces
Priscilla Preston, in a turtleneck and pants, and pays her off.  Then
he introduces her opponent, his Ghetto Bitch, Zero.

Evening Gown Match: Priscilla Preston v. Zero:  Priscilla scores the
victory, most likely putting Zero through a table, hitting him with a
chair, and dropping him on a ladder in the process.  Zero acts really
injured.
Winner, and still Wearing Her Clothes: Priscilla Preston

Dr. Igor Itzelf v. Schitzo Johnny Vengence:  Dr. Igor comes out in
full battle garb and cuts a brief interview, saying that he was trying
to prepare Entropy for his #1 Contender's match later that night, but
could not.  Professor SuckThumb has been stolen, and Igor demands to
know who took him.  Out comes Schitzo, with the cuddly naptime
gorilla.  They exchange words, and, oddly enough, a match breaks out.
Entropy does guest commentary.  Comic hijinx ensue, until Violent JT &
Little Bitch Johnson run in and lay Igor out.  Owen Williams comes out
of the crowd again to run the two off, and is escorted away by
security.
Winner: Schitzo Johnny Vengence

FUW Tag-Team Championship Match: Creation 4 v. High Impact:
Tony Saint James and Creation 4 come out together, and agree to settle
the whole tag-team situation right then and there.  Creation 4 comes
out to join Creation 4, and Tony coaxes Mark Andrews to the ring.
Andrews cuts a promo, saying that he has a #1 Contender match with
Entropy later that night, and needs to be fresh, so he doesn't want to
wrestle.  Tony convinces him to stay, and the match is on.  Andrews is
very lazy in the ring, and eventually walks out on his partner.  After
a few minutes, Mr. Nice Guy comes out to take Andrews' place on the
apron.  Right before Tony can make the tag, Andrews returns and pulls
Nice Guy away, and the two brawl to the back.  Tony is taking a lot of
punishment, until Thee Anjel runs out and gets in Tony's corner.
Eventually, the hot tag is made, and the match gets fully underway...
Winners, and new FUW Tag-Team Champions: Tony Saint James & Thee
Anjel; T.O.C.

For the Badass Belt:  Hardcore Badass v. Mr. Nice Guy:  Before the
match, Badass refuses to defend the title, since Nice Guy is neither
Hardcore nor a Badass.  Badass requests an opponent who fits his
requirements, which brings out Big Daddy.

For the Badass Belt: Hardcore Badass v. Mr. Nice Guy v. Big Daddy:
Hardcore Badass eventually retains his title, and seems to form an
alliance with Big Daddy.
Winner, and still a hardcore badass: Hardcore Badass.

#1 Contender's Match: Entropy v. Point Blank Mark Andrews: Entropy
dominates the match, fends off a run-in from VJT&LBJ, and goes on to
score the victory.
Winner, and new #1 contender: Entropy

Dream Partner Tag Match: Dre & Mad Dawg v. The Convict & ? (Zero):

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Continuing the "bookings for shows that never actually happened"
trend, here's what was planned for Cardiac Arrest back in '99:

FUW: Cardiac Arrest

General stuffs:  Our commentators are, as usual, W.B. and Ric Bear.  A number of wrestlers (I would say anybody that
WASN'T involved in killing Disco Stu, and a few of the more sarcastic
ones that did) should be wearing black armbands.  Dr. Itzelf and
Creation #2 are in the front row.  The announcers should run down
important happenings from January before things really get going.

The card, in order.

Just a normal match:  The Unajobber vs. Japan, The Bear!!!
Winner:  The fans, Japan, The Bear!!!
Misc:  Japan is no longer announced as a member of BS (but not
announced as NOT a member of BS).

Handicap Match:  The Dark One & The Ninja vs. SCAR
Winner: SCAR
Misc:  The Dark One & The Ninja slowly fall apart as a team during
this match, and end up coming to blows.

Interview:  Most likely Mann.  Edwin demands to know what Carlson has
done recently, why he shouldn't be fired.  Carlson talks about DCW,
and how he's bringing them in for an exhibition match.  Edwin is
skeptical, and tells him to 'get his boys ready.'

Angle:  Dr. Itzelf points out that Edwin Mann had said the previous
month that "He (Edwin) saw potential in Dr. Itzelf's creations and
wanted to give them another shot.  Hence, the audition match for
Cataclysm, but Edwin declares that TU is barred from ringside, and
that the match has a 5-minute time limit.  Fistfull of Jobbers & the
blackmail angle will be used at Death March.

Exhibition Match:  The two wrestlers DCW want to put on a match at our
show.
Winner:  One of the two guys DCW sends.
Misc:  Guest commentator: The DCW commentator.  Edwin Mann decrees
that "DCW will be barred from all future FUW events if their guys show
our guys up."

Interview:  Little Bitch and VJT

Audition Match (take two):  Creation #2, Cataclysm vs. Creation #1,
Entropy
Winner: None.  5-minute time-limit draw.
Stipulation:  Team Ubermensch barred from ringside.
Misc:  Lots of no-selling.  Edwin sends Calson into the ring at one
point, Calson gets wiped out & Helga Gootentite tends to him.
Post-match speech:  Entropy.  It sure is a shame that Creation #2
didn't win...

Interview:  Arkham.  They're crazy.  Schitzo is gonna win that match
tonight.  They just proved that SCAR is one bad mother fucka, and Big
Daddy is going to prove once again that he is the craziest SOB around
later on tonight.  Big Daddy & SCAR challenge whoever has the belts to
a tag-team title match next month.

Tag-title match: ToC vs. W.B. & The Jew, Juda
Goldman
Winners:  ToC
Pre-match speech:  The Jew
Misc:  Juda Goldman & Thee Altar Boy brawl after the match.  W.B. gets tied up in the ropes (handcuffed?) and Brother Dan & Altar
Boy lay the smack down on the Jew, until Thee Anjel comes out to make
a save.  Anjel argues with the rest of ToC.

Interview: ToC.  Anjel isn't happy with what they've been doing
lately.  Brother Dan says that he and Thee Altar Boy will accept
Arkham's challenge.

Last man standing:  Big Daddy vs. Black Cat, Jook Williams vs. Mr.
Nice Guy vs. Someone Else
Winner: Cookie sheet manufacturers, Big Daddy
Stipulation:  No countout, no DQ, no pinfall, no submission.  Men are
eliminated when they are unable to answer a standing-5-count.
Misc:  As hardcore as possible.  Lots of weapons... make it fairly
quick.
What I'd like to see:  The first sucker getting totally mauled in a
triple-team.  Jook and Big Daddy as the final two, Jook getting
powerbombed off the apron and through a table (if he'll take it.)

UBN #1 Contender's Match:  Schitzo Johnny vs. Dre
Winner: Dre
Stipulation:  BS and Arkham are barred from ringside.
Misc: UBN Champion, Grunge Puppy is a special guest commentator.
Grunge Puppy helps Dre win.
What I'd like to see:  Recognition of the standing feud between Grunge
Puppy and Schitzo Johnny.  Perhaps we could see this end in a triangle
match at Death March following another golden Schitzo interview...

Interview:  BS (w/Japan).  Things are better without Disco (Japan
doesn't look happy with that).  Grunge Puppy expects Dre to lie down
for him in March, Dre is down wit' that.  Puppy declares that the new,
improved future TAG-team CHAMPions of the WORLD, Mr. Nice Guy and
Japan, the Bear!!! (they are Mr. Nice Guy and Japan, the Bear!!!)
should be getting the title shot next month.

FUW Heavyweight Title #1 Contender's Match:  Little Bitch vs. Violent
JT
Winner:  Violent JT
Misc:  Carlson, Edwin, and Entropy all interfere.  Possible Team
Ubermensch involvement to take Entropy out.  Special guest
commentator: Thee Anjel.

Angle:  "A moment of silence" and a 10 bell salute for Disco Stu.
Stayin' Alive cuts in during the salute.

Main Event:
Champion vs. Champion (non-title):  Thee Anjel vs. Grunge Puppy
Winner: ???  (Grunge Puppy?)
Stipulation:  There must be a winner.
Misc:  ToC makes an appearance and tries to interfere.  Anjel stops
them, and tells them to leave.  When Thee Anjel turns his back, ToC
jump him, while Grunge Puppy watches, amused.  The Jew (of all people)
makes the save, and the match continues.  Violent JT also runs in,
landing some sort of Dew Drop on Thee Anjel.  Schitzo should also make
an appearance... Dre could run him off.  As BS is celebrating in the
ring, Stayin' Alive plays over the PA again...

How Death March would look:
Death March Match (Jew, Altar Boy, W.B., Little Bitch, Schitzo,
Entropy, Black Cat, ?)
Dark One vs. Ninja
ToC (Dan/Altar Boy) vs. Arkham (Big Daddy/SCAR) vs. BS (Nice Guy/
Japan) vs. ??  (The Jew/? or Black Cat/Cataclysm)
DCW Heavyweight title match
Dr. Igor Itzelf in: A Fistfull of Jobbers
Grunge Puppy vs. Dre (vs. Schitzo?)
'Disco' Stewart Mann vs. Carlson 'the Man' Mann
Thee Anjel vs. Violent JT

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FUW Wrestling Est. 1998
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