*Webmasters note: what you are about to read may or may not be true, remember, heysuess is a drunk!
Hey! My names is Hey Suess and i'm an alcaholic. But
more importantly than that I'm a wrestler and a journalist. It's hard for me to find time to write this column since
it distracts from my getting in shape for FUW. (This rigoris training shedule consists of drinking, drinking, and more drinking,
then pauseing briefly from the drinking to hit on some of the lovely valets of the FUW, then in rapid sucession, drinking
to heal the bitter sting of rejection, and drinking to pass the fuck out.) anyway, so here's my column for today.
Alot of people been aksing "where's Skitzo?"
well i think i can shed some light on the situation.
One night i was over drinking at Skitzo's. Me, Skitzo, and Mad Dawg where all raising
quite a ruckus. Needless to say we all go a little wacky, I tried to get with Big Daddy's latest woman, than drank more,
Mad Dawg and his pal Yellow Dog, star of the cult classic "Roddy Poo", got really drunk and started chasing each
other through the house with cheeze wiz.
Anyway Skitzo thought it would be a hoot to call up and admit to 183 killings around
the world. He said it so funny too. he got this funny look in his eye and said "Hey why don't i admit to those 183
killings i've committed through out the world." I laughed my ass off since it was the funniest thing i ever heard.
Anyway the cops come and i was really laughing now cause Skitzo was giving them all these "insider facts" on this
so called "rash of killings". then as i'm rolling on the floor laughing like the drunken ass i have been called
so many times before, Mad Dawg chips in and saus he knows where Skitzo keeps the pictures of everyone he killed.
Anyway the cops made me leave for some strange reason,
and i haven't seen Skitzo since then. I have seen Mad Dawg though. He looks like he's alright so i guess everything's
ok. I guess thats my story, in my words.